"Pushed to the Edge"

***Warning. May Trigger those who are or who ever have been suicidal. Not for those who are.***

"Pushed to the Edge"

Pushed to the edge
Looking out at the abyss
I am temped to jump
Just to get away from all of this.

Because there's no end to the tyranny
And no end to the pain
caused by the oppressors
and by the insane

They push me to the edge
With how much they need
And with taking all from me
Out of unnecessary greed.

Sex, alone time, and every waking hour,
They take.
And They yell at me
If personal time, I try to make.

I want and need a friend
And I want a partner, too,
To show me support
For what I am going through.

Because I need
To get away from all of this
But, I don't have that, right now,
To give me support, nor to help me have bliss.

So, my thoughts turn back
To the grey, cloudy abyss-
To jumping off the edge of life
So to end all of this.

Why is there a reason to live?
Please tell, me, honestly,
Because I am so tired
And holding on, barely.

Author: April Morone (aka on FB 'Annika Doe')
Date, written: Dec. 28th, 2013

"You are Wonderful"

"You are Wonderful" (Revised)

You hang your head and cry
and softly say that you want to die.
I sit down and hold you
without questioning why.

You say you don't mean anything-
that nobody knows you're there.
But, hon, I think you do,
and of you, I am aware.

You say none understand
of what you're going through,
nor of your feelings,
But, I've felt this way, too.

You do matter.
And you're not alone in how you feel.
These words, I don't say, lightly-
These words, I say for real.

And, all of this, I tell to you
in hopes you understand,
as I gently rock you
and hold onto your hand.

And as I silently plead,
"Please don't go..."

Author: April Morone
Date, written: Nov. 23rd, 2013

My reason for writing this, I'd been inspired by those who'd been suicidal (and by some who currently are suicidal whose posts I saw on other website including a post by a young girl holding up a sign that just said, "I just want to die." I know how that feels as I go through that, too, quite often. So, I wrote this poem to let them know that someone out there does understand and does care about them.  And I wrote this poem to show them how else I would support/comfort them through this if I could do so for them in person-without judgement nor questions of why. Hopefully that information can comfort those who are suicidal.

**If you or someone you know is suicidal, please don't hesitate to reach out for help (to family, to friends, to strangers, to a suicide prevention hotline, or to anyone). 1-800-SUICIDE.

"The Darkness" (with an alternative ending)

"The Darkness"

I can feel it-
The darkness creeping in-
As it surrounds me.
I don't want to let it win.

Just want to run,
But I cannot leave
Because I choke from fear-
Unable to move or breathe.

Its strength takes hold
As its permeates through.
I fight to keep here,
But am not able to.

And as I go under,
My thoughts turn toward you.
Then, I become sad because
I know I'll never be with you

The darkness is too strong,
I cannot escape.
And to it, I succumb,
Even as I pray.

My breath catches,
My heart stops
As the darkness changes me.
And a tear as I die, from me drops.


Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Oct. 18th, 2012

*Should this have an alternative ending?-a positive ending?  If yes, what about this ending, below (I've included the full poem along with the alternative ending that the extra stanza will add so that it can be easier to put together in the readers' minds).

"The Darkness"

I can feel it-
The darkness creeping in-
As it surrounds me.
I don't want to let it win.

Just want to run,
But I cannot leave
Because I choke from fear-
Unable to move or breathe.

Its strength takes hold
As its permeates through.
I fight to keep here,
But am not able to.

And as I go under,
My thoughts turn toward you.
Then, I become sad because
I know I'll never be with you

The darkness is too strong,
I cannot escape.
And to it, I succumb,
Even as I pray.

My breath catches,
My heart stops
As the darkness changes me.
And a tear as I die, from me drops.

*(Additional stanza to give an alternative ending)***

I feel my breath come in
As I come to, once again.
I'm glad to be alive, once more.
Apparently, life did win.

I look up into your worried eyes
And I gently smile.
Then, thank you for saving me.
You tell me to rest a while.

Then you caress my face
And lie down next to me.
And you fall asleep
While holding me.

And I thank God for you,
Silently.

Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Oct. 18th, 2012

*Is this Goth, at all?  What category does this poem fit?

*This poem has an alternative ending (a revised alternative ending, at that).  Both versions are actually based on true situations (I'd both experienced death, being brought back, as well as experienced what it is like to have someone be by your side before, during, and after it (the death process).  Above, are the culminations of those two experiences I'd had in life.  But, because I know that most people experience situations like the first situation, where they aren't able to be brought back to life, again, after death happens, the first version of this poem about this situation could be the better choice.  The second poem doesn't happen as often, though it is a good and positive ending, which is why I wrote it-so that people could have a positive ending.  I need critiquing and all thoughts and opinions on this, please.

"How I see"

“How I See”

I am legally blind.

But, I see

The beauty all around me

That is known to me

That is not available to most people

Because they can see, clearly.

And when outside in my front yard,

I see

The white light particles on the blurry bright green leaves

Of sun light as it cascades down

That remind me of Christmas lights on a Christmas tree.

I “see,” too,

The textures of those leaves

Known well to me

As they are felt by my fingers tips

As a way for me to see

What the textures are like

Of those Oak tree leaves.

And, I also see

Beams of light that emanate around

Objects that are breathe-taking when seen,

And see the edges that aren’t so sharp

Of everything around me.

I hear the sounds of rustling

Of those old Oak trees

That I can hear

When my hearing aids are in,

If all else is quiet –

And I feel the wind is felt more strongly

Because it is harder for me to see.

And it helps me to “see” the Oak tree’s beauty.

While being a little blind can be

A bit of a challenge, daily,

Things of my yard are more beautiful

In this partially blind reality.

Author: April Morone

Date, Written: Oct. 15^th, 2012

"How" (a post about dealing with an addict)

“How”

How do you deal with an addict?

How do you make them okay?

Tell me how you deal with an addict

Cus I don’t know

And I feel like I’m losing a bit of myself

Along the way.

How do you deal with an addict?

How do you remain calm, patient and happy

When they are screaming at you in anger

From a high or from withdrawals?

A way to deal with it, I cannot see.

And it can be so trying on me

When I see the anger displayed

For all the world to see

By this addict who is part

Of my family,

And then see the sadness and insecurities he shows,

And hear his pleas for me to be by his side

Because he knows

That I will be there for him, still,

Unlike the rest of our family,

Who, from him, hide,

Because they’ve given up on him.

I don’t want to abandon him, right now.

But, it can make me feel like I’ll go crasy

From too much more of this.

So, please tell me,

How do you deal with an addict?

Author:  April Morone

Date, written:  Sept. 29^th, 2012