Thursday, October 18, 2012

"The Darkness" (with an alternative ending)


"The Darkness"

I can feel it-
The darkness creeping in-
As it surrounds me.
I don't want to let it win.

Just want to run,
But I cannot leave
Because I choke from fear-
Unable to move or breathe.

Its strength takes hold
As its permeates through.
I fight to keep here,
But am not able to.

And as I go under,
My thoughts turn toward you.
Then, I become sad because
I know I'll never be with you

The darkness is too strong,
I cannot escape.
And to it, I succumb,
Even as I pray.

My breath catches,
My heart stops
As the darkness changes me.
And a tear as I die, from me drops.


Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Oct. 18th, 2012

*Should this have an alternative ending?-a positive ending?  If yes, what about this ending, below (I've included the full poem along with the alternative ending that the extra stanza will add so that it can be easier to put together in the readers' minds).

"The Darkness"

I can feel it-
The darkness creeping in-
As it surrounds me.
I don't want to let it win.

Just want to run,
But I cannot leave
Because I choke from fear-
Unable to move or breathe.

Its strength takes hold
As its permeates through.
I fight to keep here,
But am not able to.

And as I go under,
My thoughts turn toward you.
Then, I become sad because
I know I'll never be with you

The darkness is too strong,
I cannot escape.
And to it, I succumb,
Even as I pray.

My breath catches,
My heart stops
As the darkness changes me.
And a tear as I die, from me drops.

*(Additional stanza to give an alternative ending)***

I feel my breath come in
As I come to, once again.
I'm glad to be alive, once more.
Apparently, life did win.

I look up into your worried eyes
And I gently smile.
Then, thank you for saving me.
You tell me to rest a while.

Then you caress my face
And lie down next to me.
And you fall asleep
While holding me.

And I thank God for you,
Silently.

Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Oct. 18th, 2012

*Is this Goth, at all?  What category does this poem fit?

*This poem has an alternative ending (a revised alternative ending, at that).  Both versions are actually based on true situations (I'd both experienced death, being brought back, as well as experienced what it is like to have someone be by your side before, during, and after it (the death process).  Above, are the culminations of those two experiences I'd had in life.  But, because I know that most people experience situations like the first situation, where they aren't able to be brought back to life, again, after death happens, the first version of this poem about this situation could be the better choice.  The second poem doesn't happen as often, though it is a good and positive ending, which is why I wrote it-so that people could have a positive ending.  I need critiquing and all thoughts and opinions on this, please.