"How" (a post about dealing with an addict)

“How”

How do you deal with an addict?

How do you make them okay?

Tell me how you deal with an addict

Cus I don’t know

And I feel like I’m losing a bit of myself

Along the way.

How do you deal with an addict?

How do you remain calm, patient and happy

When they are screaming at you in anger

From a high or from withdrawals?

A way to deal with it, I cannot see.

And it can be so trying on me

When I see the anger displayed

For all the world to see

By this addict who is part

Of my family,

And then see the sadness and insecurities he shows,

And hear his pleas for me to be by his side

Because he knows

That I will be there for him, still,

Unlike the rest of our family,

Who, from him, hide,

Because they’ve given up on him.

I don’t want to abandon him, right now.

But, it can make me feel like I’ll go crasy

From too much more of this.

So, please tell me,

How do you deal with an addict?

Author:  April Morone

Date, written:  Sept. 29^th, 2012

"The Devil in You" (revised)

"The Devil in You" (revised)

You smother me with innocence, feigned,

At what you'd done to me,

As though you'd not just acted insane,

In front of the world to me.

Your rage and hypocrisy

Chokes the life from me,

Just as you'd done, before,

Physically to me.

So, I disconnect from you

And away from the rage you show

To no one else but me.

Your rage, most still don't know-

A rage you seem to show

As though a secret for me-

A terrifying secret-

That you only show towards me.

I'm now free from your rage.

No marks left by you,

Which can be worse simply because

There's now no way to prove your abuse.

But now that I have gone away,

You threaten suicide,

Not caring that I'll feel responsible

If from that, you should die.

Yet, I don't want you here-

Need you gone far away-

So that I can breathe and smile, again,

And so life can be okay.

The heady, overwhelming effect you have

Just being in my life

Is caused by you because

You bring so much strife.

Sometimes, I wish you gone,

Completely, from this world

So that you could plaque no one else

By your harmful ways you've unfurled.

But, I say nothing about this

Of my secret wish,

And try to live, positively

Away from where it'd been hellish.

Author: April Morone (aka 'Annika Doe')

Written: Sept. 28th, 2012

"Delicate"

"Delicate"

Soft, thin layers,

Everywhere.

So gentle and tender,

Requiring careful care.

Beautiful layers,

Exquisite to see,

Of you

That you've shown me.

So soft of layers,

So gentle of soul

That when you smile,

It is truly beautiful.

So soft of layers,

Made thinner from before-

Made fragile by a painful past;

A wall put up to protect your core.

So soft of layers.

So shy to speak.

So timid and unsure in life;

You're almost afraid to be.

So soft of layers.

So careful of ways.

I wish, my love, that you could know

That to live is okay.

So soft of layers,

Known only to me.

Author:  April Morone

Date, written:  Sept. 16th, 2012

"Out From You" poem

I’d had a dream of my close friend, Tim, and of Anna, Christy, and me (we’d all been together, hanging out, in the dream).  And in that dream, Christy and I were both artists.  Christy was a heck of a lot better than me.  And Tim had been critiquing both of our artwork for us, both.  And he’d come across this one piece that she’d done that was wonderful that I admired, as well.  And in that dream, that one piece depicted the universe, and a pair of hands holding a heart that had emotional energy depicted as coming free from the heart to represent emotions being freed from someone.  And he’d been critiquing that piece.  And as I was looking at the painted picture in that dream, I’d wished for him that he could free his emotions, and just be, completely.  So, I’d written this poem as though writing to him, directly (that was even before I’d decided to actually show him this poem because I was not sure how he might take or handle this piece having been written).  I’d written this as though wishing to speak to him of that dream and my wish to help him be freed.  I’d had to write it to get it out of my system.  Anyway, here is that poem:

“Out From You”

I look at the artwork
That you critique;
See the art piece that you like
That says so much to me.
That art piece that shows
The Universe
With hands holding a heart
That by time is transversed
That shows feelings from it, set free
As free-flowing energy.
And it makes me think, achingly,
Of if there is a way to set your feelings free
As free as those shown set free
In that art piece.
And it has me wishing I could be the person
To help allow this to be.
I’d like to unlock those feelings
Held so tightly, within
So that you could live, happily,
Once, again,
Instead of in pain, behind a wall
Where you don’t let anyone else in.
I dream of this for you.
But, I don’t know how to break through that wall-
How to open your heart.
Maybe there isn’t a way, at all.
This, I think, as I stare at that painting,
And inwardly cry for you
As you stand, there, next to me
Critiquing that painting with me, too,
In my dream of you.

Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Sept. 15th, 2012

"Out From You"

I'd had a dream of a friend about whom I care. And in that dream, he and I had been critiquing a painting that showed about feelings being released into the universe from the mental heart/mind. And in that dream, it had made me wish how I could help him free his feelings and himself. Below is my poem about that wish I'd had in that actual dream I'd had, the other night.  The "Out From You" title is as though of a wish to say directly to him of what I could never to say him, after all, though, that I wish I could unlock his feelings out of him, as well as to unlock him and for him.  This poem, I will add to my second book I am in the process of writing.



"Out From You"

I look at the artwork
That you critique;
See the art piece that you like
That says so much to me.
That art piece that shows
The Universe
With hands holding a heart
That by time is transversed
That shows feelings from it, set free
As free-flowing energy.
And it makes me think, achingly,
Of if there is a way to set your feelings free
As free as those shown set free
In that art piece.
And it has me wishing I could be the person
To help allow this to be.
I'd like to unlock those feelings
Held so tightly, within
So that you could live, happily,
Once, again,
Instead of in pain, behind a wall
Where you don't let anyone else in.
I dream of this for you.
But, I don' know how to break through that wall-
How to open your heart.
Maybe there isn't a way, at all.
This, I think, as I stare at that painting,
And inwardly cry for you
As you stand, there, next to me
Critiquing that painting with me, too,
In my dream of you.


Author:  April Morone
Date, written:  Sept. 15th, 2012